Why Are Men So Angry?

New research confirms it: Men are mad as hell. Problem is, our rage isn't just hurting us, it's killing us.

By: Kevin Hoffman



The baby-faced kid is crushed against the chain-link octagon, swallowing punches from a fighter twice his size. His skin glows under the lights, until something gives way, and soon he's covered in blood. He's done--pinned, but too proud to tap out--yet the crowd jeers when the ref stops the fight. Even his father protests. Somehow, this Cleveland cage fight has become Caesar's coliseum.



Why so angry? That's the question I'm mulling ringside. And I'm not talking about the grapplers. As combatants in the unofficial minor leagues of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, one of the fastest-growing sports in America, their anger is subsidized. I'm talking about the fans. According to a 2006 Harvard study, 10 million adult men in the United States are so angry, they're sick. In fact, their disease has a name: intermittent explosive disorder, or IED.



The condition has been on the books since 1980, but the Harvard study claims it's far more common than anyone believed. Few people see psychiatrists because they can't control their tempers. And those who do, say the researchers, are often misdiagnosed with other mental problems. Previous estimates put the number of IED sufferers in America at less than 0.5 percent of the population. But if the Harvard researchers are correct, almost 1 in 10 adult men routinely display wildly disproportionate aggression, and are so angry that they're likely to damage property, or threaten or injure others. (The researchers estimate that only half as many women suffer from IED.)



"We never thought we'd find something this big," says Ronald Kessler, Ph.D., the lead study author. "People think their anger isn't a big problem. But there are very serious ripple effects. IED sufferers are also more likely to be divorced, they have worse jobs than others with the same education, and they have fewer friends."



Considered alone, the symptoms of the disorder are easy to dismiss: a commuter flipping off a fellow driver in a traffic jam, a basketball player charging the stands during an NBA game, the guy I saw a few rows back screaming at the hot-dog vendor because he had no mustard left. But there's more behind an IED diagnosis than a few isolated acts of rage. "If you're blowing up a couple of times a week, you probably have the disorder," says Emil Coccaro, M.D., a leading anger researcher at the University of Chicago. "The average person shouldn't be having arguments and temper tantrums."



A couple of times a week? That's my Monday-morning commute. Have the Harvard researchers defined IED too broadly? Many experts think so.



"Everyone has bad days," says William Narrow, M.D., the associate director of the division of research at the American Psychiatric Association (APA). "It's difficult for me to believe that 9.3 percent of the male population in America would destroy property or physically assault another person because of their anger."



As the debate over IED continues, our understanding of the health consequences of anger, in all its forms, grows. "Anger is like cigarette smoking," says Howard Kassinove, Ph.D., an anger researcher at Hofstra University. "In the short run, you feel good. In the long run, you're more likely to die of heart disease or stroke. People think it's macho to be angry. It's more macho to be alive."





Not all anger outbursts are created equal. Regularly grumbling about the long lines at the dry cleaner doesn't necessarily mean you suffer from IED. Along with how often a person blows his lid--and the intensity of his outbursts--the other hallmark of IED is how disproportionate the rage is to the insult. Think Michael Douglas taking a baseball bat through a Korean grocery over the price of a Coke, in the film Falling Down.



Michael Overstreet used to think his fuse was simply short. When the 46-year-old Minnesota engineer was 15, he chased his sister to her bedroom and booted away at the door until it splintered and he could see inside. Years later, he'd turn from loving husband to drill sergeant in a snap, leaving his 3-year-old son to referee between screaming father and sobbing mother. He tried anger management; it didn't work. Finally, his wife had enough and ended the marriage.



After his divorce, Overstreet found another love, but he quickly fell into old habits. One night, when his new fiancée took a wrong turn on the way home, he lost control. "You can almost make a machine-gun-intense argument, when you don't give someone a chance to respond," Overstreet says. "It's a verbal assault under the guise of some logical, reasoned argument. You're watching it happen, you know it's happening, but you can't stop it."



Only after Overstreet was finished reaming out the love of his life did he remember that her roommate, a meek foreign-exchange student, was riding in the backseat. When Overstreet turned around, he saw her cowering, like a witness to murder.



That outburst left him desperate for an explanation. He stumbled across an IED news report online, saw a psychologist, and was diagnosed. But even after starting medication--Overstreet takes Depakote, an anticonvulsant thought to raise the threshold for anger outbursts--he still has problems controlling his temper.



"An alcoholic might still say he's recovering after 20 years," says Overstreet. "When I haven't had an episode in 10 years, then maybe I'll know I have it under control."



Most anger is productive. In Anger: Taming the Beast, therapist Reneau Peurifoy proposes a three-part test to decide whether your anger is helpful, rather than hurtful: (1) A real threat existed. (2) The level of your anger was proportionate to the threat. (3) Your actions



effectively reduced the threat with the least amount of harm to yourself and others.



When we're threatened, the sensory regions of our brains trigger the autonomic nervous system's fight-or-flight response. We puff out our chests and bare our fangs, and the aggressor slinks away (or we fight, and someone wins). But today we rarely face hungry predators. Now most threats are abstract or indirect: e-mails, snide remarks, construction zones.



Some people--Overstreet, coach Bob Knight, Ron Artest--just aren't that good at assessing these threats. Dr. Coccaro's lab, the aggression clinic at the University of Chicago, has conducted facial-recognition tests, for example, that show people with IED are likely to mistake a neutral expression for hostility, meaning they feel under attack even if they're not. Another study shows men are extra-sensitive to angry expressions in a crowd, thanks to our evolutionary advantage of quickly detecting an aggressor. Put the two findings together and you'll see why someone like Overstreet thinks the world is against him.



"People pick up cues through emotions, facial expressions, body language, and vocal intonation," says Kurt Noblett, Ph.D., one of the clinic's researchers. "People with anger disorders, it's thought, don't accurately pick up on all those cues. They focus on hostility."





Perceiving anger is only part of the equation, though. How we react to a threat is the other. While most of us are able to rein in that primitive part of the brain that wants to beat somebody to death with a tree branch, people like Overstreet cannot. Dr. Coccaro and others believe they have narrowed the search for the cause of IED to the neurotransmitter serotonin. Low serotonin levels lead to disengaged frontal lobes, the top-down analytical parts of the brain that match a threat with a well-reasoned response.



"People with this problem have an insufficient 'stop' response," says neuropsychologist Royce Lee, M.D., adding that the clinic is now testing whether serotonin receptors and transporters are to blame.



Other researchers have linked this serotonin deficiency to a pair of genes that regulate neurotransmitter levels. The more expressive these genes are, the better you're able to deal with anger. That means there's likely a genetic component to IED.



Is it any surprise, then, that Overstreet's grandfather used to lash out when his mashed potatoes had too much gravy?



"Abandon. Loneliness. Hate. Suicide."



As I sit strapped to a chair in Dr. Coccaro's lab, these words flash on the computer screen in front of me. This experiment, I'm told, will measure how angry I am. I'm assured by a cheerful research assistant that future versions of the test will feature vivid photos of cross burnings, battered women, and other horrific scenes. Thank goodness for beta testing.



Lest I become too comfortable, a loud burst of static erupts in my ear every few seconds at random intervals. The noise is designed to elicit what psychologists call "the startle-blink response," or what the rest of us call flinching. A computer will track the intensity of my startle-blinks.



"Someone with a pronounced startle-blink is more aroused and more likely to have an emotional response," says Noblett. "He feels the stimulus as more magnified, so the reaction is greater." People with IED, Noblett says, are more sensitive to hostility, and more likely to respond with aggression, creating a vicious circle--or in this case, a circle of viciousness.



The sharp peaks and valleys of my startle-blinks, Noblett tells me after I complete the test, may be a sign of IED. Or maybe I'm just jet-lagged. Only a thorough interview would tell, and even then, diagnosing the disorder is a judgment call.



Dr. Coccaro proposes an easier test to determine whether you should seek help: "Ask yourself: Does it get me into trouble?" he says. "It really is that simple. If people tell you that you have to calm down, or that you have an anger problem, you probably have one."



Not everyone agrees. When the Diagnostic Statistical Manual--the bible of the mental-health field--officially recognized IED as a disorder in 1980, a fair number of psychologists were outraged. They argued that anger is simply a basic human emotion, and that Dr. Coccaro and his colleagues were providing a convenient psychiatric excuse for bad behavior.



The APA, in fact, is currently reexamining the criteria for an IED diagnosis. "We have to defend ourselves against accusations that we're turning everything into a disorder," says Dr. Narrow. "What if someone says, 'I'm bad at golf.' Does that mean he has golf disorder?"





The debate over whether IED is real--or as common as the Harvard researchers claim--is almost beside the point. We all blow our lids now and then, right? So the question remains: Why so angry?



Our culture may be as much to blame as our biology. Kessler is now studying IED rates around the world to find out whether significant differences exist that would suggest environmental causes. "Anger may be one of those crosses that comes with success in the material world," he says.



Statistics seem to support his theory. U.S. population density has almost quadrupled over the past 100 years. Today we squeeze 80 people into each square mile, on average. (In New York City, 23,700 people now live in each square mile.) The closer people live, the more likely they are to rub one another the wrong way, according to researchers at Cornell. They demonstrated that higher population density increases levels of the stress hormone cortisol in our blood--it's cortisol that readies us mentally to fight or flee.



As urban centers have become more crowded and suburbia has taken over the country, our commuting times have increased from 15 minutes to 26 minutes over the past 20 years. Cornell researchers have found that cortisol increases as a person's commute time lengthens. And they were studying rail passengers, not people trapped in rush-hour bottlenecks on I-10.



"People talk about the domino effect," says Jean Johnson, coauthor of Aggravating Circumstances: A Status Report on Rudeness in America. "You leave your house, someone cuts you off, then you go into a store and no one will help you. Eventually, all that stuff adds up."



And even if the traffic jam fades from memory after you park at your desk, your elevated levels of adrenaline and cortisol wreak havoc on your system all day. "Blood-pressure surges damage the lining of the coronary arteries and other arteries," says Redford Williams, M.D., the director of the behavioral research center at Duke University. "It's like a rushing stream. Over time, it erodes the banks."



In fact, more than 30,000 heart attacks each year are triggered by momentary anger, according to a 2004 Harvard study. "People who have a lot of anger invest a lot of energy in trying to control it, and that kind of friction is likely to increase the probability of a heart attack," says Charles Spielberger, Ph.D., a University of South Florida psychologist who developed the most widely used test to measure anger. "The more intense the anger, the more likely the heart attack."



Other studies have shown that angry men are three times more likely to develop premature cardiovascular disease, six times more likely to have an early heart attack, and three times more likely to have a stroke.



In other words, chill or die. But how?



For much of the 20th century, the most popular method for beating anger was catharsis therapy. Analyze This, the gangster parody, even committed this method to film. About halfway through the movie, Billy Crystal, playing the psychologist to Robert De Niro's tough guy, tries to treat his patient's outbursts.



"You know what I do when I'm angry? I hit a pillow," says Crystal. "Just hit the pillow. See how you feel." De Niro whips out a pistol and pumps the pillow full of lead.



"Feel better?" Crystal asks.



"Yeah," De Niro says. "I do."



That's catharsis theory, in a nutshell. Sigmund Freud and his brethren seized on the instant-release model in the early 1900s, but it wasn't until the 1990s that psychologists thought to actually test it. Their discovery: Catharsis may, in reality, make anger worse.





The most famous study required 700 undergrads to write essays about the hot-button issue of abortion. The students then had their papers returned, graded by someone posing as a fellow student and laced with vitriolic feedback: "This is one of the worst essays I have ever read," for example. Some students were told to distract themselves after the feedback by reading a short story or playing solitaire; others were allowed to work out their aggressions by pounding on a heavy bag. When volunteers were given the chance to confront the grader, the students most likely to shatter eardrums were the ones who'd been throwing leather, not the ones shuffling cards.



"When angry people hit something, they'll tell you they feel good afterward," says study author Brad Bushman, Ph.D., a University of Michigan psychologist. "But that's the worst possible thing you can do, because it just heightens your arousal."



So what to do with all your anger? Let it go, man. In meditation therapy, patients are typically asked to imagine themselves in a calming place--at the beach or nestled in front of a warm fire. They take deep breaths and progressively relax various muscle groups. "My grandma told me to count to 10, and that's great advice, because as you delay, your arousal decreases," says Bushman. "People who are aroused make really bad choices. They behave impulsively."



Another effective method: distraction. When you're having an anger episode, try detaching yourself. One way to do this is to have a running narration in your head--sort of like that annoying voice-over on Desperate Housewives, only talking about your life. Hmmm, that man just cut me off is a much healthier response than leaning on the horn.



Avoidance works, too, naturally. "It sounds simple, but some people aren't aware of their triggers," says Jon Grant, M.D., an associate psychiatry professor at the University of Minnesota. "If driving home every night sets you off, then maybe you have to drive home an hour later. Keep a journal of what's triggering your anger and look for patterns."



The last-resort treatment, of course, is medication. "Certain drugs will increase the threshold at which someone will explode," says Dr. Coccaro. "In an IED patient, the frontal part of the brain doesn't inhibit the primal, knee-jerk parts of the brain." Serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Prozac and other SSRI meds) can ensure more of the neurotransmitter stays in circulation, allowing the top-down crimping of the anger responses.



And anticonvulsant medications like the ones Overstreet takes can have a similar effect. Researchers actually don't know exactly why they work, just that they do . . . most of the time.



Last fall, Michael Overstreet felt like he had his anger licked when he took his fiancée to Breezy Point, Minnesota, for a friend's wedding. That night, they returned to the condo they were sharing with other couples, only to find the front door locked.



"Suddenly, I began pounding on the door, and my friend's wife came out and confronted me," Overstreet recalls. "I was screaming at her and calling her a bitch, saying, 'Why the f--- am I locked out?' Some of the guys got protective and stepped in. It was an unsettling event for everyone."



The blowup was textbook IED: A simple argument rapidly escalated. Overstreet was forced to sleep in a separate condo, and, afterward, he wrote personal letters of apology to all his friends and their wives who had witnessed his outburst. The rush of guilt is another telltale sign of IED.



Soon after, his fiancée returned the engagement ring. But he's had no major blowups since then, and now the engagement is back on. He says that maybe, just maybe, he finally has his temper under control. His only regret is that he didn't seek help sooner. His message to men: Don't let anger destroy your life.



"We need to open the conversation about IED, so people know it's not just them," he says. "There's help for people like us."

Posted 6/5/2007 @ 1:36 PM | About Anger

"Everyone has bad days," says William Narrow, M.D., the associate director of the division of research at the American Psychiatric Association (APA). "It's difficult for me to believe that 9.3 percent of the male population in America would destroy property or physically assault another person because of their anger."Well they do! How many women gunman do you see ? It's not even a gun-person! It's a gunman. It all makes sense now.. At least, us, women when we've got PMS we want to be left alone, and you guys..do what you do best. Be angry, or an engineer.

Posted by wana (email) on 11/28/2007 @ 2:24 PM

I was at my vitamin discussion yesterday when this guy enters the room and, in front of 12 women, starts to scream at one of them, his wife, because his shirts are not ironed yet and he needs them for the next day. Wtf? She had more than half a day to do that and now she was doing something for herself. Calm down people! You never see women making such a fuss and such a scene for a small thing like that!

Posted by Johanna Bartley (email) on 12/6/2007 @ 1:41 PM

Good reading. Thank's!

Posted by Online (email) on 3/13/2008 @ 1:58 AM

Johanna, you haven't seen anything. This was staged. Imagine seeing real life figures, people who lose their temper like the ones I got to see when I visited my sister at this drug rehab center at Narconon Vista Bay. Man, or woman:), this anger management issues are real.

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Posted by Cristian (email) on 4/15/2008 @ 9:20 AM

Hi, I get very angry soon . Mostly when i repeatedly tell my kids not to do this or that and they do not listen. I just slap, Later i realised that its not a solution. Pl advice me how to over come this. My kids are age of 9 & 8 yrs. Both Are male.

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Posted by TMJ (email) on 6/8/2008 @ 10:22 PM

Check out this Edmonton Journal Article on Angry Men:








Angry men really grieving underneath, says author
Sandborn blames patriarchy for stealing their hearts

Scott McKeen
The Edmonton Journal

Monday, June 23, 2008

This one's for men who seethe inwardly, men who rage outwardly and men whose reflexive anger protects them from hurt feelings.
In other words, it's for the vast majority of men in our society. Last Monday I wrote about the psychological void in most men caused by emotionally distant fathers.
Today's column is about how that void is oft filled with anger -- one of the few emotions men feel safe to express, along with laughter and lust.
Calvin Sandborn's book, Becoming the Kind Father, is today's inspiration. Sandborn is in town to give a workshop on the topic of male anger.
Lest you think his book and workshop is only for violent spouses, think again. Physical violence is the rare but shameful expression of a common darkness in the hearts of men.
And lest you think I'm siding with radical feminism, you are so wrong. I do not believe men are inherently violent or angry. Nor are they born emotionally stunted. In fact, studies show male babies to be equally or more emotionally expressive as female babies.
The sad fact is that both boys and girls are warped by societal expectations -- by what Sandborn calls patriarchy.
"I know, all red-blooded men cringe when they hear that word, patriarchy," says Sandborn. "But in our resentment against feminist criticism, men have missed a vital point. Patriarchy has stolen our hearts and is killing us."
The theft, according to Sandborn, is of the ability to express, process or even feel a normal array of human emotions.
Patriarchy stresses power over weakness and individual achievement over community and intimacy.
Girls lose their voice, their power, under such pressures. Boys learn to be ashamed of their sensitive or "sissy" feelings. So boys suppress such feelings, though they can't ever outrun them.
Sandborn says men, if made to feel ashamed, sad or hurt, react by getting angry at the cause, be it a boss, spouse, child or friend. The "other" gets blamed for making him feel what he shouldn't feel as a man -- vulnerable.
"He gets mad, the adrenaline starts flowing, he feels powerful and before you know it, he's not feeling sad anymore," says Sandborn, a University of Victoria law professor who grew up with a raging alcoholic of a father.
"The point is, if you scratch an angry man, you'll often find a grieving man underneath -- a guy who has never learned how to identify and process his vulnerable feelings."
According to Sandborn, no one is victimized by the angry man more than the angry man himself. What he learned from his father, he learned well.
"Most men don't have very good relations with their fathers," he says. "Perhaps 10 or 15 per cent of sons report a good relationship. Others report angry fathers, critical fathers, emotionally distant fathers, absent fathers."
Essentially, how the father treated the son is the way the son now treats himself. The critical voice now lives in his head.
"As Shakespeare put it, the voice of a father is like the voice of God," says Sandborn. "And that critical voice is often incorporated into the ongoing internal narrative that we use to define our world."
Expressing anger doesn't work for angry men, either. A feedback loop starts when anger is expressed at a loved one, for example. Anger leads to guilt, leads to self-loathing, leads to more anger.
This all comes at great cost. Not only are families hurt by angry men, so are the men themselves. Stress kills angry men at a rate much higher than others. Men are twice as likely to become alcoholics -- four times as likely to take their own life.
The answer? To begin, men must soften the cruel self-talk by adopting a patient and supportive inner voice. As Sandborn says, a man can become his own kind father.
"This makes all the difference. By treating himself with compassion, a man allows his heart to re-emerge -- he re-establishes a relationship with self. And for the first time, close relationships with others become a real possibility."
He advises men to pay more attention to their feelings. Give yourself permission to feel things. The truth is that feelings, with permission, will rise and then pass. Admit your guilt or sadness to yourself. But use a gentle voice. Everyone is flawed. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is a perfect husband, father or friend.
Remember, too, that anger is natural when a person feels attacked. But Sandborn says we can express angry feelings without losing our temper. Often, what we want to express to the other person is not our anger, but our hurt feelings.
Sandborn was raised by an angry father. He became an angry man. Yet he knew in his heart it wasn't the kind of father, spouse and man he wanted to be.
"I know people can change because I have," says Sandborn. "And so have many other men."
smckeen@thejournal.canwest.com
Calvin Sandborn is in Edmonton today to host a workshop and discuss his book, Becoming the Kind Father: Journey to a Man's Heart.
The workshop is at the Coast Edmonton Plaza Hotel, 10155 105th Street, from 1:30 to 4:30 p.m. The cost is $25 and includes a copy of the book. Call the Edmonton John Howard Society and speak to Lynda at 970-5120.
© The Edmonton Journal 2008









Copyright © 2008 CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. All rights reserved.
CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. All rights reserved.

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Posted by Ban (email) on 11/18/2008 @ 1:59 PM

Below is my article on men and anger in today's Calgary Herald:


Healing men: One cure for violence against women


By Calvin Sandborn December 6, 2008


"Real men cry bullets instead of tears."
--William Pollock
---
My sister was murdered by a stranger in 1979. So on the National Day of Action on Violence against Women I ask myself, "What can a man do?"
Marc Lepine was clearly crazy. And the men who carried out the Mumbai terrorist attacks were fanatics too. But male anger and violence is embedded in our culture --from Alec Baldwin's tirade at his 11-year-old daughter to the local Starbucks customer who vents on a sales clerk; from your dad's slow burn at Thanksgiving dinner to Stephen Harper's slow burn in Parliament; from Rush Limbaugh's tantrums on network radio to the hockey coach's tantrum at a kids' game. What can we do about this pervasive anger?
Demanding that men feel a politically correct "gender guilt" probably won't change much. But here's an action that could really change things --men need to learn to love themselves.
Scratch an angry man, and you'll find a man who is angry at himself, cruel to himself. Too often, men have learned from their fathers to be harsh to themselves. Queen Elizabeth's grandfather described the patriarchal dynamic: "My father was frightened of his father. I was frightened of my father. And I am damn well going to see to it that my children are frightened of me."
In the traditional family the boy is apprenticed to exercise power--and to bury his own feelings. To become the future "master of the house" a boy must hide his vulnerability. When the boy skins his knee dad admonishes him that "Big boys don't cry . . . take it like a man." Boys learn the credo found on King George V's office wall: "If I must suffer, let me be like a well-bred beast, that goes away to suffer in silence."
Anger is the one permissible deep emotion. In fact it's been encouraged. "He's a fighter" is a compliment. Historically, the angry man was the one who became king. The "master of the house" retained power when he was angry--but might lose power if he showed vulnerability.
Having learned that vulnerable feelings are shameful, a boy learns to change his natural sadness and fear into anger. In fact, the anger becomes a standard escape from feeling.
When he begins to feel vulnerable, he blames the other person for making him feel the prohibited vulnerability. He learns to routinely summon anger's adrenalin to banish sadness and fear--and restore a sense of power.
But this power is counterfeit. The emotional repression-anger cycle contributes to men's early deaths--with twice the rate of heart attacks and alcoholism, four times the suicide rate and nine times the rate of ulcers experienced by women. Worse, men's anger habit leaves men lonely and alienated from family and others. The anger habit is closely linked to the fact that almost half of all men are covertly depressed --suffering from workaholism, alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic anger, compulsive control over family or obsessions with TV, sports, and gambling.
However, there is a way out. A man can choose to treat himself with compassion. He can learn to re-parent himself, sending away the harsh father that has dominated a lifetime of self-talk. Instead, he can become a kind father to himself, daily speaking to himself with the encouraging, nurturing words that he would like to use with his own children.
He can allow himself to see what he really sees, and feel what he really feels, without shame. He can reassure himself that he has intrinsic value, simply because he is human and unique. He can accept himself as he is, not as he should be. He can become his own best friend.
In this way a man can free himself to actually experience his feelings and process them. He will learn that he won't die if he cries. To his surprise, he will learn that sharing tender feelings with others actually leads to life's finest moments --to honest connection and an authentic life.
In this way the self-contempt that fuels anger diminishes. By becoming kind to himself, he will naturally become kinder to others. The world will become a safer and gentler place.
Calvin Sandborn Is The Author Of Becoming The Kind Father: A Son's Journey, A Book About Men And Anger.
© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald

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